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Is there a downside of reaching your goal? Indeed there is. There is this phenomenon called post wedding blues. It also happens after a much-anticipated vacation is over. It’s not surprising when you break it all down. Months and months can be spent planning and saving for the very short experience and it’s over quickly (much like cooking an elaborate meal that’s eaten in five minutes).
Sure, you’re left with memories (hopefully not disappointment) but it is gone in a flash. I remember a few years ago a friend of mine got back from her first European vacation with her husband and felt down afterwards. “I need something to look forward to,” she said. I get that. It seems humans are wired to look to the next thing coming, whatever that may be.
The more of it all
I was listening to Dr. Mona Vand on SiruisXM telling this phenomenon to Maria Menunous. She’s the a Persian beauty on Bravo’s Shahs of Sunset. She talked about the “what next” factor she felt post-graduation. In school, you’re striving toward finishing. Then you get your job, in her case she entered the world of drugstore pharmacies and for some pharmacists, that’s it. That’s all you do the rest of your life. Certainly for some personality types that is the game plan for life and they are content with the predictability and security of the work. But for many other personality types I believe this is what triggers so many people to get into their 30’s and 40’s (or 50’s) and want to do something completely different. There is more out there, more we don’t know when we’re in school or until we’ve gotten our feet fully wet in the workforce. More after we’ve married perhaps too young and didn’t know fully who we were or what we wanted yet, more after believing having children would fulfill us. More.
More is more, not better
Vand and Meneunos used the example of buying another Ferrari doesn’t bring more joy when you already have several. After you have the houses, things in the houses, cars outside the houses, etc. people begin to do more out of the box things to get the next high.
That can translate to drug use among some other peculiar behaviors that may satisfy the need for a new experience.
What happens when the dream comes true?
Having a goal is fantastic. Having a dream even better. These are what get us excited to get out of bed each day. Because in all honesty nearly everything is possible with the right belief system and work behind it.
Yet, we need to consider what will happen once we get to our goal. Once our dream is a reality.
The fix for the comedown after achieving a goal
If you were to make a list of 10 desires, could you make it a list that has nothing material on it? Experiences? Feelings? Situations? These are the things that please our internal audience and give us true fulfillment.
This type of list is a great way to get yourself out of (or avoid) post dream achieving blues. In this post I discuss using a mala for a gratitude practice that can greatly help the comedown post-goal achieving or big event.
Having a strong sense of self that is not dependent on the goals you choose to pursue will temper the comedown post goal achievement. The daily practice of habits that instill joy, peace, appreciation and self care matter. Think about what that looks like for you and how you can implement it.